Stop Saying 'I'm Stupid'
Hi there!
Welcome back to the MoodiNews. Every Thursday, we discuss a variety of matters related to mental health and self-improvement.
I’m so glad you’re here.
Today, we will be continuing our series on the importance of SEMANTICS in mental health! YAY!
In this post, we will review a second phrase that I encourage people to avoid as a therapist.
That phrase is: “I’m stupid.”
“I’m stupid” is a bit trickier than some of the other terms that we’ve been reviewing lately, because it’s not always said verbatim by people—but the message is still implied.
For example, people might say to themselves (or out loud), “That was so stupid, why did I do that?!” Or “What’s wrong with me, that was such a stupid mistake!”
Here’s the problem: Calling ourselves stupid sends a very discouraging message to our brain.
If a person’s first reaction to a problem is, That happened because I’m stupid, that’s a sign of self-criticism—and we’ve talked before about the importance of reducing self-criticism in order to protect our mental health.
The risk is that, over time, the narrative “I’m stupid” concretizes into a limiting belief for people—it communicates to the mind that, when we make mistakes, it’s because we lack what it takes to move through challenge, stay resilient, solve difficult problems, and overcome self-doubt.
The phrase “I’m stupid” causes people to shut down and lowers their tolerance for error, because they start to over-identify with limiting beliefs of inadequacy brought on by too much shame and self-blame, too often.
When people start to misconstrue their mistakes for capability or misinterpret their inadequacies for who they are, it gets harder for them to tease out the distinction between their imperfections and their potential.
Too much self-criticism therefore creates sub-optional conditions for self-improvement, because it stops people from growing—when self-worth and error become indistinguishable, learning new things or challenging ourselves feels more dangerous, since new pursuits only leave us vulnerable to new sources of self-criticism.
Of course, there are times when we don’t work hard enough or we make mistakes that could have been avoided—and it’s okay to get frustrated when those moments happen.
However, being habitually self-critical only robs us of precious mental energy that could be better spent reframing a situation, talking ourselves through distress, or problem-solving in order to move through the disappointments or failures that we do experience.
We all trip over ourselves and make mistakes sometimes.
In such cases, resilient thinkers simply replace unhelpful statements like, “I’m stupid” with more productive messages, such as:
“I can do hard things.”
“I made a mistake and now I will deal with it.”
“I will learn from this and do better next time.”
“I am capable of more.”
“Well, that was frustrating!”
“I am smart, not stupid, and I will figure this out.”
To conclude, be aware of the frequency with which you call yourself or your efforts stupid. Reducing your use of the phrase “I’m stupid” will give you more mental flexibility as you move through life, for the same reason that reducing self-criticism allows for greater mental bandwidth and less psychological suffering during moments of distress.
As I’ve said before, the words that we use help mold and shape our identity, and how we both think and talk to ourselves seriously effects our quality of life.
Be cognizant of what you say and what you believe about who you are—your self-talk can really be the difference between a life of joy and connection, and one of isolation and self-loathing.
Next week, there will be no blog—Happy (early) Thanksgiving!
We will then wrap up our discussion on semantics come December, and launch into some new and exciting subjects for 2024 after that!