Self-Compassion is Sexy!

Hi there!

Welcome back to the MoodiNews. Every Thursday, we discuss a variety of matters related to mental health and self-improvement.

I’m so glad you’re here.

Today, we will be discussing the very sexy topic of: SELF-COMPASSION! YAY!

To start, here’s a little bit of therapeutic trivia:

What do addiction, depression, anxiety, and eating disorders all have in common?

Answer:

Self-criticism!

In previous posts, I have discussed self-criticism and it’s opposing counterpart, self-compassion.

But when most people hear the term, ‘self-compassion’ they don’t really know what that means.

So, let’s review.

Self-compassion is the practice of treating yourself like a friend. Essentially, it’s the practice of being kind to yourself, especially during moments of difficulty.

But knowing about how something works does not always translate into doing it—especially in the world of therapy!

So, today I am going to review the ‘3 N’s of Self-compassion’ that I teach in therapy to help my clients truly master the skill of becoming more self-compassionate.

 If you think that you might benefit from becoming a bit more self-compassionate as well, then here’s the steps that you will need to learn in order to master the skill for yourself:

1)    NAME.

Step one is to Name the problem.

When you are struggling, it’s important to notice and then name what’s going on. It’s pretty hard to talk ourselves off of a ledge and calm ourselves down if we don’t even take the time to acknowledge that something is wrong…

So, in real life, this might look like admitting to yourself that someone just said something that hurt your feelings, rather than ignoring your hurt or pretending like you feel fine whenever that’s clearly not the case.

2)    NORMALIZE.

Step two is to Normalize your emotions whenever they arise.

There are different ways to approach this step, but you must validate your emotions as they happen, in order to reduce susceptibility to self-isolation, hopelessness, or feelings of worthlessness during moments of struggle. Most people beat themselves up in response to feeling down, but in this step, we learn to practice treating ourselves with respect instead of fighting or judging ourselves when we are experiencing emotional pain.

In real time, normalizing might look like reminding yourself that your reaction is understandable and legit when someone insults you (i.e., that it’s ‘normal’), rather than writing off your pain as an overreaction and telling yourself to ‘just get over it.’

3)    NURTURE.

Step three is to Nurture yourself back to emotional balance.

This is the caretaking step, where we show up for ourselves like we would a friend or someone that we loved if they were struggling. Instead of abandoning yourself when you need the most support, this final stage of self-compassion is where you practice offering yourself words and actions of reassurance, warmth, and assistance in dealing with the issue that is causing you distress so that you can actually start to FEEL BETTER.

An example of nurturing yourself might sound like saying, “I know, I’m here, you’ll get through this,” and then identifying what you can do to help yourself through the moment, instead of white-knuckling your way through the rest of your day while the painful remarks you heard earlier continue to play on repeat in your head.

Over time, I have attempted to streamline the way that I teach self-compassion to people, in order to make it as accessible as possible to anyone who is willing to give it a shot (because it’s often a hard sell at first).

However, the reality is that it always takes a bit more time and practice to learn the art of self-kindness (especially if we are highly self-critical!) than most people would prefer…

That being said, self-compassion really is a life-changing practice to have in your arsenal once it’s been mastered!

And, regardless of your opinions about its appeal, a self-compassion practice is also a necessity (rather than a luxury) for those of us to tend to struggle with mental health issues rooted in low self-worth and self-criticism (like addiction, depression, anxiety, and eating disorders).

In summation, I encourage you not to be too quick to write off the potential merits of starting a self-compassion practice of your own.

Memorizing and incorporating the ‘3 N’s of Self-compassion’ into your toolkit for well-being can go a long way in keeping your mental health stable and supported throughout the trials of daily life.

Furthermore, even if you never go to therapy or study mental health like I do for a living, you can still benefit from knowing and using the ‘3 N’s of Self-compassion’ to improve your overall levels of psychological strength.

So, here’s to a happier and healthier you—from the inside out.

As I often like to say: Self-compassion is sexy!