Self-Compassion (is) for Skeptics

Hi there!

Welcome back to the MoodiNews. Every Thursday, we discuss all things mental health and self-improvement.

I’m so glad you’re here.

This post is a follow-up from last week’s discussion on self-criticism.

Today, we will discuss the therapeutic antidote to self-criticism: SELF-COMPASSION!

As we discussed last week, lots of people struggle with self-criticism. Researchers have found that many people believe that being self-critical is necessary for maintaining self-restraint and personal accountability. However, we now know that being self-critical is an undeniably harmful strategy when it comes to maintaining our mental health.

So, if self-criticism is ill-advised, then what’s a better alternative?

One option is to become more self-compassionate.

Self-compassion is defined by researcher Kristin Neff as, the act of being unconditionally kind to ourselves, especially during moments of difficulty. It is akin to the practice of “treating yourself as you would treat a good friend.”

We now have nearly 20 years of solid research showing the benefits of self-compassion, although, in many ways, this idea is still cutting edge—self-compassion has only been formally recognized as a clinical intervention for therapy and a skill for secular coping within the past 15 years. (The practice of cultivating compassion is actually a centuries-old derivative of Buddhist psychological teachings. However, the benefits of expressing compassion for the ‘self,’ more specifically, have only been quite recently empirically studied.)

Still, if you’re not exactly enamored by the idea of self-compassion—that’s okay! I encourage you to be skeptical. :)

Here’s the obvious issue: Being kind to ourselves—rather than self-critical—is a totally counterintuitive approach to self-improvement. After all, won’t going easy on ourselves make us soft and sedentary?

If you’re like me, your default belief is probably: “If I stopped being self-critical, I’d quickly become lazy, entitled, or conceited.” And this thought makes total sense—at first glance, being gentle with ourselves (especially when we’re struggling) seems like a completely paradoxical approach to self-preservation.

But regardless of first impressions, here’s what really matters—self-compassion is more than a woo-woo, Pollyannic ‘concept.’ It is an evidence-based strategy for wellness—and it is a skill.

So, next week, we will discuss the skill of self-compassion, and explore how to utilize self-compassion in order to free ourselves from destructive mental habits, like critical self-talk.

Then, the following week, we will move on to a new topic, and answer a question that I am frequently asked: How do I find a good therapist?!