Therapeutic Assumption - No. III
Hi there!
Welcome back to the MoodiNews. Every Thursday, we discuss a variety of matters related to mental health and self-improvement.
I’m so glad you’re here.
This week, we are going to continue discussing: THERAPEUTIC ASSUMPTIONS! (YAY!)
Last week, I introduced the second of five therapeutic assumptions that I use in my work as a therapist. Today, we will explore therapeutic assumption No. III:
There is no such thing as ‘common sense’—but everyone has a Wise Mind.
Initially, this assumption might sound odd, but it’s important because it protects valuable considerations that help people change.
Let’s start with the idea that ‘common sense’ does not exist:
Often, when I hear clients complain about how their partners, bosses, children, etc. lack ‘common sense,’ they are usually experiencing agitation stemming from unmet expectations. Most of the time, when we feel that other people are lacking basic understanding or etiquette, it’s because their conduct has affected us in some dissatisfying way (and, of course, we like to think that we would act with more poise and consideration had we been in their shoes!).
In therapy (and in life), it’s actually much more beneficial to assume that ‘common sense’ does not exist. This presumption helps people accept reality as it is so they can respond skillfully, rather than becoming resentful or bitter when other people don’t meet their expectations.
Perhaps another way of saying it is that removing the idea of ‘common sense’ in therapy offers two main benefits:
1) Without it, people are less likely to assume that others can read their minds, and therefore are more likely to communicate their thoughts, needs, or wishes in a manner that is actually productive.
2) Doing so also reduces judgment and shame on both sides, because people are less likely to feel targeted or get labeled as ‘stupid’ for having never been taught or told things that might initially seem self-evident.
Essentially, devaluing a person for not having ‘common sense’ creates a hostile environment for both relational intimacy and learning. Therefore, in the service of being helpful and effective, therapeutic assumption No. III aims to reduce condescension and disconnection by approaching the subject of change from a place of pragmatism, rather than idealism—that is, by starting with a blank, rather than a biased, slate.
This leads us to the second part of therapeutic assumption No. III: that ‘common sense’ is not ubiquitous, but that all people possess intrinsic wisdom (i.e., a Wise Mind).
In therapy (and, again, in life), it’s helpful to assume that all people possess an inner knowing, or internal compass, that lives at the heart of who we are.
This Wise Mind is the part of us that longs for connection, prosperity, and growth, and that instinctively knows the difference between right and wrong. Some people call it their intuition, other people call it their conscience, and still others call it their gut feeling.
Either way, regardless of what language feels most comfortable, this idea serves as a reminder that, with ample support and encouragement, all people can find their way back to this pure, wise, and steadfast part of themselves (and then use that to motivate and guide self-improvement).
In therapy, by teaching people how to listen to their intuition, validate their own feelings, and act from a place of integrity, we can help people take control of their lives, regain self-respect, and ultimately reap the benefits of their own growth. Naturally, this approach ends up providing a much more empowering resource for change than expecting people to lean on ‘common sense’ to guide their personal development.
In summation, by reducing our expectations around ‘common sense,’ we open ourselves up to more forgiving—and realistic—opportunities for change. By presuming that people already know a lot—after all, their Wise Mind has gotten them get this far!—we can suspend both judgement and shame while also identifying new areas for self-improvement.
Next week, we will explore the fourth therapeutic assumption:
Psychopathology is never an inherent feature in a person.