Therapeutic Assumption - No. I

Hi there!

Welcome back to the MoodiNews. Every Thursday, we discuss a variety of matters related to mental health and self-improvement.

I’m so glad you’re here.

This week, we are going to continue discussing: THERAPEUTIC ASSUMPTIONS! (YAY!)

Last week, I introduced five therapeutic assumptions that I use in my work. These assumptions allow me to take a non-judgmental stance as a therapist, while also preventing me from letting people off the hook too easily.

These same therapeutic assumptions also lend themselves well to self-improvement, so we will be discussing them further over the next several weeks!

The first therapeutic assumption that we will be exploring is:

Every person is 100% responsible for their own thoughts, actions, and emotions.

Let’s face it—many people have problems. And lots of people like to justify how they think, feel, and behave using the difficulties they’ve been through.

Of course, it would be remiss not to acknowledge how painful it is to experience (or inherit) a struggle that we never asked for or deserved.

Nevertheless, in therapy, it is important to eventually accept that, regardless of how our current problems came to be—they are now ours to resolve.

This idea can be a jagged pill to swallow, but it’s an important concept all the same. It is also the best mindset for moving forward in any situation, because it fosters what is called an internal locus of control:

An individual’s locus of control (LOC) is, “the degree to which people believe that reinforcements (rewards and punishments) from the environment are contingent on their own efforts, actions, and personal decisions (internal LOC)… versus luck, fate, external circumstance, and powerful others (external LOC).”

In other words, having an internal locus of control means taking radical responsibility for the outcomes we experience in life (via what we think, feel, and do), rather than outsourcing the state of our well-being to external factors, like the actions of others or larger social systems.

We know from research that having an internalized LOC increases the likelihood of life satisfaction, physical health, and performance success. Adopting a mentality that accepts (at least some) personal responsibility for everything experienced gives people more agency—both a felt and realized sense of power—and highlights what can actually be done on an individual level to change a particular situation.

It’s important to understand that waiting around for things to change is a bad strategy for maintaining mental health. It’s considerably more preferable to take an offensive (i.e., self-driven, action-oriented) approach to problem-solving, than it is to adopt a defensive (i.e., avoidant or threat-sensitive) approach that inhibits any attempt to improve one’s circumstances during moments of difficulty.

(In other words, it is much more productive (and reassuring) to feel like there is a solution to the problems that we face—even if we are that solution—than it is to drown in feelings of despair when things aren’t going the way that we want or need them to, with no change in sight.)

This idea of being radically responsible for ourselves and our lives teaches us to focus less on what other people are doing, and to instead turn inward and assess all the ways in which we might be contributing to our own suffering. (And, believe me, there are often many, many ways in which this is the case!)

This is what it means to do our inner work.

Therapy is all about teaching people how to stop ‘shooting themselves in the foot,’ by helping them to address problematic behaviors and thought patterns that are keeping them stuck.

That being said, regardless of why people come in for therapy, here’s the bottom line:

People just want to feel okay on the inside.

It is therefore ironic that we try to feel better by looking outside of ourselves for the solution to our problems.

The true state of our internal world is fed/formed by our thoughts, actions, and emotions. It is therefore critical that we first take responsibility for these things before expecting to see any improvements in our lived experience overall. (And because our internal states are customized and only exist to serve us as individuals, the whole system becomes uniquely ours to understand, manage, and maintain.)

In summation, becoming 100% responsible for our thoughts, actions, and emotions is all about taking charge and learning to take full ownership for ourselves. Adopting a stance of such radical responsibility requires humility, but ultimately serves us well in building a life worth living because it helps us to see the world in a different light—and to begin to experience change from the inside, out.

Next week, we will move on to discussing therapeutic assumption No. II:

People are never the problem; emotions are never the problem; our bodies are never the problem.

See you then!