How to Calm Down
Hi there!
Welcome back to the MoodiNews. Every Thursday, we discuss a variety of matters related to mental health and self-improvement.
I’m so glad you’re here.
This week, we are going to discuss: HOW TO CALM DOWN! YAY!
Last week, we discussed how the brain likes to triage in response to stress. Of course, from a survival standpoint, this adaptation makes a lot of sense—but it can also cause a lot of problems.
So, today, we will discuss 3 tools that you can use to quiet your mind under stress.
By tapping into the body, we can use the autonomic nervous system to help reduce emotional arousal and regain access to our cortical brain!
Below are 3 great skills for reducing reactivity under stress:
1) Expose Yourself to Cold Water
Exposing your body to cold water stimulates the dive response, a reflex that automatically slows down your heart rate when your body is submerged in cold water for an extended period of time without oxygen.
To benefit from this calming reflex, try submerging your face in a bowl of ice water for 30-60 seconds when you’re emotionally flooded. Or, put an icepack on your face that’s been covered in a wet cloth. If you really want to go all in, you can also jump into an ice bath or take a cold shower, as well!
Exposing your body to cold water is a great way to distract yourself from nervous anxiety, persistent rumination, or reactive anger. Just be careful using this skill if you have heart problems—and don’t give yourself frostbite! (The water doesn’t have to be frigid. Just cold enough to jolt your system a bit.)
2) Practice Paired Muscle Relaxation
Paired Muscle Relaxation is a skill that uses breath-work alongside progressive muscle relaxation techniques to release tension in the body.
To use this skill, move through the body, tensing and releasing various muscle groups one at a time, while simultaneously engaging in diaphragmatic breathing.
For example:
1) Shrug your shoulders to your ears, scrunch your face, and form tight fists with your hands. As you contract your muscles, build up as much tension as you can comfortably, and inhale deeply.
2) Hold everything for a few seconds.
3) Slowly relax your whole body, and release your muscles while breathing out. Do your best to extend your exhale for as long as possible—the slower your exhale, the more likely it is that your heart rate will drop, too, which is what you want.
3) Use Soothing Touch
This one is a gamechanger.
As humans, we have a “mammalian care system” wired into us that, when activated, releases oxytocin (the ‘love hormone’) and endorphins (endogenous opiates) within the brain. These chemicals generate a sense of safety, calm, and security in the body.
This care system was designed to keep us close to our caregivers as young and vulnerable dependents, and it works in part by allowing us to feel soothed and comforted by gentle touch and soft sounds. So, when we are stressed out, we can activate our mammalian care system by offering soothing touches and soft vocalizations to ourselves, similar to how a mother might comfort a distressed child with hugs and reassuring words.
To practice this skill:
1) Find a private space and experiment with offering yourself supportive touch. See what feels good to you. Start by putting a light hand on your heart, your belly, or anywhere that you find yourself holding physical tension. Feel in your body for motions that activate an automatic sensation of relief and relaxation.
2) When you find a spot that you find soothing, remember it! This will become your go-to for practicing soothing touch the next time that you’re emotionally activated.
3) As you practice soothing touch, add in reassuring words as well. Say OUT LOUD, low and slow, with a gentle and patient tone of voice:
“I’m here.”
“I know.”
“It’s okay.”
“I’ve got you.”
Great job!
Ideally, one or all of the aforementioned skills will help you calm yourself down the next time you’re stuck in big emotion. Just know that actually remembering to use these skills when you’re distressed is half the battle, so you might want to practice using them beforehand, while you’re still calm, in order to have quicker access to them later on.
In summation, by using the body to reduce emotional and physical arousal, we can become better self-regulators. Possessing the ability to calm ourselves under stress increases the likelihood that we will be able to respond, rather than react, to difficulty—which is always the goal.