First Thought Wrong...

Hi there!

Welcome back to the MoodiNews. Every Thursday, we discuss a variety of matters related to mental health and self-improvement.

I’m so glad you’re here.

Today, we will be continuing our current series on: THERAPEUTIC ONE-LINERS! YAY!

The phrase we’ll be reviewing today is: First thought wrong!

The concept of First thought wrong! originates from the world of addiction recovery.

Counselors in the field of addiction recovery use the statement First thought wrong! frequently to teach people how to tolerate distress without impulsivity.

The idea behind First thought wrong! is to dismantle the first thought that comes into a person’s mind when they are in a heightened state of emotional arousal (i.e., extreme anger, sadness, shame, etc.).  

Using First thought wrong! as a skillful, disruptive one-liner helps stop emotionally-driven behavior through the application of mindfulness (i.e., awareness that pauses rumination).

When we assume that our ‘first thought is wrong,’ it takes the urgency out of needing to react immediately.

Prompting ourselves with, First thought wrong! cues the brain to note that we are highly reactive—which then prompts us to THINK TWICE before doing what otherwise feels pressing in the moment.

(For example, before doing something self-destructive, like losing our temper or calling up our drug dealer, using the phrase First thought wrong! immediately calls into question our desires, thus allowing us to slow down the speed of relapse.)

Below are two common examples of how I teach First thought wrong! in therapy:

1) When we are first dating someone and wondering whether or not they like us.

Perhaps our new crush isn’t texting us back as quickly as we’d like, or they don’t communicate in a way that we are used to—so we start to feel anxious, sad, or angry.

Emotional thoughts arise, like: “Maybe they don’t really like me,” “Maybe there’s someone else,” “Maybe they’re just using me” …And that’s when we interject with, First thought wrong!

…Because, the truth could also be that the other person is extremely busy or not a fan of texting us at all hours of the day. We don’t know—so it’s important not to compromise the future of the relationship or our self-respect by assuming malicious intent prematurely.

(In this type of instance, First thought wrong! often helps people refrain from demanding emotional reassurance, which is a common temptation in a budding relationship!)

2) Your spouse does something that annoys you, and you think to yourself: “That lazy idiot;” “What an ungrateful asshole;” “If they don’t start respecting me, I’m getting a divorce!”

…And, again, we interject with, First thought wrong!

…In previous posts, I have preached about the importance of approaching big emotion with curiosity instead of self-righteous conviction. Rather than practicing empathy or regulating their emotions first, many people will blow up on their partners in the situation above.

But one of the therapeutic assumptions that we also teach people in therapy is that People are never the problem, so First thought wrong! can help us regulate and find the real problem when we might otherwise want to blame or resent others in response to feeling hurt.

In summation, First thought wrong! is a one-liner designed for anyone who struggles with emotion regulation: examples of this include things like explosive anger, insecure attachment in relationships, or addictive/impulsive behaviors.

Essentially, First thought wrong! is a phrase that acts as a mental safety net that buys us more time for self-awareness, patience, and self-restraint during moments of distress.

Of course, it’s possible to use critical thinking to maneuver our way out of distressing situations—but that’s only when we are able to detach from emotionality and respond rather than react to stress.

First thought wrong! gives us the ability to do just that—pause, reframe, and think before we act, which then gives us more bandwidth to strategize and succeed under pressure.