How to Become Wise

Hi there!

Welcome back to the MoodiNews. Every Thursday, we discuss a variety of matters related to mental health and self-improvement.

I’m so glad you’re here.

This week, we are going to discuss: HOW TO BECOME WISE! Yay!

(If you have read the book Thinking, Fast and Slow, by psychologist Daniel Kahneman, then you will be familiar with today’s topic.*)

As a therapist, one of my primary jobs is to teach my clients how to think differently. I do this by teaching them ‘how to become Wise’ using a style of therapy called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT).

The backbone of DBT therapy is rooted in mindfulness training—that is, how to control our awareness so that we can think and act more effectively.

Here is a diagram that I often refer to when teaching my clients how to become Wise:

You can see above two concentric circles—one representing Emotion-based thinking and one representing Reason-based thinking.

Emotion-based thinking is reactive, instinctual, and fast—it’s usually driven by mood, feelings, and impulses, rather than reason and logic.

Reason-based thinking is logical, dry, and pragmatic—it’s all about fact, with no feeling involved (kind of like Spock from Star Trek!).

As a therapist, I often see people struggling with one of these two thinking styles: they are either too emotional or too rational in their thinking (especially under stress).

(Just for context: too much emotionality often causes people to make impulsive decisions that feel good in the moment but have harmful consequences long-term. Too much reason can be problematic because it makes people cold and dismissive, which is problematic when trying to build emotional intelligence or establish healthy relationships.)

It is in between Emotion-based thinking and Reason-based thinking that we find the cognitive sweet spot: WISE MIND!

Wise Mind blends both emotion and reason into one—it is a combination of intuition and logic—that allows for mindful and efficient thinking.

Most of the work that I do as a therapist involves helping my clients integrate their feelings and beliefs into one, cohesive blueprint for skillful decision-making in this manner.

Although Wise Mind might seem like a straightforward concept, it’s actually quite difficult to master:

In fact, in a 2020 interview with Oprah, Lady Gaga sat down to talk about her mental health, and their conversation highlighted this point well. (Lady Gaga has previously undergone DBT therapy and learned what we are talking about today in order to overcome her own mental health issues).

In the interview, Oprah asks Lady Gaga (27:37):

“What has been the lesson that’s actually taken you the longest to learn?”

Lady Gaga responds:  

“How to be Wise.”

In practice, becoming Wise is very challenging. Living our lives from a place of Wisdom requires us to slow down every time that we need to make a decision long enough to consider both our feelings and what’s factual before proceeding. Living in this way—at least initially—takes time, patience, and a lot of mental effort.

In order to operate from a place of peak mental performance, it is crucial that we tap into our whole mind  in order to think effectively. (Research supports this idea on a biological level as well, and we know from brain-mapping studies that one of the best predictors of mental well-being is dense neurocognitive integration—i.e., a high level of dendritic communication between brain regions).

In summation, it is the skill of combining emotion and logic into one, steady stream of thought that makes us Wise. 

Next week, we will continue to discuss how to regulate emotion, build Wise Mind, and feel more cognitively balanced by exploring how thinking relates to behavior, specifically when it comes to ‘reaction vs. response.’ 

*In his book, Kahneman divides brain functioning into two categories:

·       System 1: the brain’s functioning is fast, instinctive, and emotional

·       System 2: the brain works more slowly, is deliberative, and is logical

His book outlines how these two systems work together to complement each other and produce healthy, balanced thinking.