Unpacking Self-Sabotage

Hi there!

Welcome back to the MoodiNews. Every Thursday, we discuss a variety of matters related to mental health and self-improvement.

I’m so glad you’re here.

This week, we will continue discussing another common obstacle that keeps people from experiencing self-improvement: the perpetuation of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors! YAY!

The perpetuation of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors is, essentially, the artful practice of shooting ourselves in the foot. When people fall into a cycle of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors, they become their own worst enemy on the road to self-improvement.

The perpetuation of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors is synonymous to self-sabotage, and it cuts progress off at the knees.

As a therapist, I constantly look for patterns of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors when I work with my clients.

Here are some common ways that I see this obstacle manifest itself in my work:

Bad habits - One of the most insidious ways that people sabotage their own success is through their daily habits. Bad habits tend to result in a lack of follow through, and/or a lifestyle that is too chaotic or unhealthy to support sustainable change. Mood dependent behavior (which we discussed last week) is like a fertilizer for bad habits, and together emotional decision-making and poor habits make the road to self-improvement a monstrously uphill battle.

Self-harm – Self-harm is another form of self-sabotage—it’s essentially the practice of relieving emotional pain through bodily injury. While self-harm often works as a temporary salve for stress in the moment, it also takes a tremendous toll on the body long-term and destroys a person’s sense of self-respect. Some textbook examples of self-harm include mutilative practices like cutting, but self-harm can also includes more insidious behaviors, like binging on food, engaging in excessive screen use, and overusing drugs or alcohol.

Negative self-talk - Negative self-talk is another form of self-sabotage. Many people think that being hard on themselves is the only way they’ll stay motivated and accountable—but we know from research that this is not the case. In therapy, negative self-talk often looks like people being highly self-critical, using self-deprecating humor, and/or perpetuating limiting beliefs about themselves that dissolve their sense of self-worth and personal agency. People hold themselves back with negative narratives like, “I can’t,” “I shouldn’t even bother,” or “I’m not good enough,” and then they literally talk themselves out of setting lofty goals and reaching for them.

When it comes to personal development, the perpetuation of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors is like a parasite that robs people of the hope and confidence that they will need in order to overcome inevitable difficulty.

Various forms of self-sabotage, like bad habits, self-harm, and negative self-talk all coalesce and end up demoralizing people so effectively that few steps—if any—are ever taken on the road to self-improvement before people give up and turn right back around again.

We will discuss how to overcome the perpetuation of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors in a few weeks when we discuss the three therapeutic ‘Superpowers.’

Next week, however, we will review the third and final obstacle to self-improvement that often brings people into therapy: lacking a sense of direction.