Myth #2: Talking about Feelings in Therapy

Hi there!

Welcome back to the MoodiNews. Every Thursday, we discuss a variety of matters related to mental health and self-improvement.

I’m so glad you’re here.

Today, we will continue our current series on debunking some of the most common myths about therapy. YAY!

The myth that we will be discussing today is that: Therapy is where people go to talk about their feelings.

Now, before you object… obviously, people do spend a lot of time in therapy processing through and learning to regulate their emotions.

However, most people think that therapy mainly involves lying on a coach and venting for an hour every week until there’s nothing further to talk about.

But that is an egregious misrepresentation of what good therapy actually looks like.

So let’s explore this idea further:

Good therapy only tolerates venting to the point of a therapist understanding a person’s concerns… at which point, the real work begins.

Skilled therapists do not just sit there and let their clients vent to them week after week, because, generally speaking, venting is a waste of time.

Naturally, it can feel cathartic to dump our feelings onto someone else during a good venting session—but rarely, in hindsight, does venting actually provide the kind of relief (or, rather, resolution) that people really want.

So, when I say that therapy is not just a place to go and talk about your feelings, here’s what I mean:

It’s only helpful to talk about our feelings in therapy to the extent that we are gaining insight from our emotional experience in order to generate meaningful change. 

Therapy involves using emotions to inform our next steps—but after talking about our feelings, our work doesn’t stop there—instead, that’s usually where it starts.

In other words, successful therapeutic interventions rarely involve discussing emotion alone, because talking about a feeling without reaching any resolution around that feeling is a waste of time and tends to create a cycle of dependency on the therapist.

Conversely, when done right, therapy can teach people how to change themselves, their reactions, and their circumstances in order to experience recovery (as we discussed last time) from their symptoms.

Therefore, in addition to exploring one’s emotions, therapy often involves thought/behavior modification and psychoeducation, in order to help people resolve (rather than simply regurgitate) the problems that they face.

So, if you’re in therapy right now and you’re only venting to feel better in the moment, then you probably aren’t experiencing all that therapy has to offer you.

Therapy should ultimately improve your life outside of session—otherwise, there’s really no point in doing it.

In summation, beware of any therapist that promotes venting without also encouraging situational resolve or conflict resolution over the course of your time in treatment. You will know that your therapy isn’t working when you see no evidence of change in either yourself or your life outside of therapy in the absence of your therapist.

There will be no post next Thursday, as I will be in the throes of moving next week.

However, the following week we will resume and debunk Myth #3 about therapy: Everyone needs therapy.

See you then!

Portrait credit: Avraham Yadan