Myth #4: "I Need My Therapist!"
Hi there!
Welcome back to the MoodiNews. Every Thursday, we discuss a variety of matters related to mental health and self-improvement.
I’m so glad you’re here.
Today, we will continue our current series on debunking some of the most common myths about therapy. YAY!
The myth that we will be discussing today is that: People can’t live without their therapist.
While people don’t always state outright that they can’t live without their therapist, this myth often presents itself subtly when people joke about how dependent they are on therapy.
For example, people will say things like:
“Therapy is my lifeline—it totally keeps me sane!”
“I’d be so screwed without therapy!”
“I can’t imagine not having a therapist!”
Of course, I respectfully acknowledge that people do often attach emotionally to their therapist and might even feel dependent on their therapist, especially when first starting out in treatment.
However, in an effort to make sure that people eventually develop their own capacity for self-driven conviction, it’s important for clients to also learn how to expand and diversify their outlets for support well beyond their therapist alone.
So, here’s what I tell my clients in my own clinical practice when their cleaving (phase out) process begins:
“If I get hit by a bus tomorrow and die, you will survive… While I am here for you, you do not NEED me.”
…Yes, I do tell them this!
Because it’s important for my clients to remember that they are not fragile.
As a therapist, it is my job to show people that they alone are the single most important source of energy in their own lives.
In other words, a self-driven commitment to personal progress will inevitably take them farther than any therapist ever could.
Therefore, it’s important to toughen up their inner monologue so that they actually believe that, “Come what may, I will always have my own back—regardless of whether or not l’m in therapy.”
Therapy is a life-giving (and life-saving!) endeavor for many.
I am not discrediting the genuinely transformative role that a relationship with one’s therapist can offer—and, if you feel dependent on your therapist right now, I understand, because I’ve been there, too.
However, for people who have been in therapy for a long time and still have no exit strategy in mind, it’s important to remember that therapy is not meant to be a life-long lifeline for most of us—instead, it is supposed to teach us how to heal, so that we can eventually graduate and then get back to living life!
Don’t fall prey to believing that therapy is the ONLY reason that you choose to get up in the morning, go to work, or take care of yourself.
If YOU are the one doing the work that’s carrying you forward, then it’s YOU, not your therapist, who deserves the credit of exercising the power that lies within!
In summation, it’s ideal to wean ourselves off of the myth that I need my therapist as soon as we possibly can.
It can be terrifying to fly solo after being in therapy for a long time, however, there is no better way to test our inner strength than to trust the foundation that we've worked so hard to build in therapy by launching beyond that point into a place of greater independence.
Therapy can be a true stepping stone towards finding the inner peace that so many of us desire, yet the real challenge (and treasure!) in doing therapy remains, ultimately, in learning how to return back to ourselves to find that we already possess within so much of what we seek.
Happy Thursday, everyone!
I’ll see you back here next week.
Image credit: Robert Delaunay