How to Find a Good Therapist (part IV)
Hi there!
Welcome back to the MoodiNews. Every Thursday, we discuss a variety of matters related to mental health and self-improvement.
I’m so glad you’re here.
Today’s post is the fourth and final installment of a four-part series discussing: HOW TO FIND A GOOD THERAPIST!
(A quick recap: In week one, we discussed how to distinguish between the various types of providers who offer mental health services. In week two, we discussed how to interpret a provider’s credentials in order to identify someone who can offer you psychotherapy, specifically. In week three, we discussed how to locate therapists in your area once you’re ready to start your search.)
This week, we will discuss how to find a good therapist who might actually be of help to you, as you’re identifying a few providers who you would like to contact.
If you’ve made it this far—way to go!
Assuming that you’ve successfully located a list of potential providers who are accepting new clients, the final step is to decide from amongst your options.
In order to help you whittle things down, I’ve made a list of suggestions for making as informed a decision as possible when searching for a quality therapist. Here are a few tips for finding a therapist who won’t waste your time*:
1) If you’re shopping around for a therapist online, treat the vetting process like you would if you were online dating. For instance, when you review a therapist’s bio, do they look professional and competent? Do they talk about offering what you want? If their profile looks like it was thrown together with minimum effort (i.e. a foggy picture, typos in the text, obscure references that make no sense), then keep looking. In my experience, therapists with a good work ethic will have a professional presence online—if they are online—and, if they hold themselves to a high standard, then they will likely (hopefully!) hold you to that same standard, as well.
2) Ask for a free consultation before your first appointment. Many therapists offer free consultations—usually between 10-20 minutes long, either over the phone or video call—before making you schedule an intake session with them. In addition to helping you identify in advance if you like that therapist’s ‘vibe,’ a preliminary consultation also allows the therapist to determine whether or not they can actually help you. (Quick note: Not every therapist offers free consultations, but it never hurts to ask. As we will discuss next week, the intake process for therapy can be quite extensive, so it will save you time and money to discover before a first appointment if it’s not a good fit.)
3) Rapport is very important. Studies show that a positive relationship between a therapist and their client is one of the most accurate predictors of successful outcomes in therapy, regardless of treatment intervention used. Therefore, you will want to make sure that you actually like your new therapist. What you’re looking for is someone who ‘gets’ you—and it also helps to have a therapist with a similar sense of humor! Generally speaking, if you dread seeing your therapist each week, that’s a red flag…
4) Therapy can be conducted in a variety of different ways. That is, different providers take different approaches to their work. So, even if you like a therapist, it’s important that you also like how they work as much as you like them as a person. (For instance, if your therapist is awesome and passionate about what they do, but the interventions that they teach you don’t resonate with you personally, then it might be necessary to find another provider who uses a different style of practice (modality) that you find preferable. Here's an anecdotal example: I am a solution-focused provider. When working with my clients, I always keep their long-term goals in mind. Rather than simply talking about prior issues, my clients and I identify current problems in their present-day lives and work to resolve them—while concurrently addressing any emotional reactions or unhealthy thought patterns that are getting in the way. However, this approach might not appeal to everyone, and someone who wants a less behavioral (action-oriented) approach to therapy would probably not enjoy working with me.)
Also, before we wrap up, I have added a few final tips to help you get the most out of your time in therapy, by focusing on what you can do to make your experience most worthwhile:
1) The biggest challenge in therapy, oftentimes, is getting started—after that, things get easier. So, the most important thing for you to do is to get in for your first appointment, and then trust your intuition from there. Even though healing can sometimes happen more slowly than we would like, as my therapist used to say to me, “It’s only failure if you quit.”
2) Your mindset matters. Finding a good therapist is essentially pointless if you’re not willing to do what’s asked of you or participate in the therapeutic process once you’re there. Good therapy typically requires a substantial investment of time, money, and effort on the client’s behalf. So, make sure that you’re taking advantage of the opportunity that you’ve created for yourself by doing your homework and speaking openly (be vulnerable!) with your therapist.
3) Hang in there, even when it’s challenging. Many folks stop therapy prematurely for a variety of reasons—however, once you begin, it’s important to commit to the work long enough for you to actually see some results. Within 3-6 months (a very conservative estimate), you should start to notice a difference in your overall functioning.
4) Contrary to many people’s belief, good therapy is not about venting your problems to your therapist. Rather, therapy is an active process—an exchange between client and therapist that is conducted on purpose and with intention. Therefore, good therapy is often a challenging endeavor for the client—it won’t drain the lake that you’re drowning in, it’s going to teach you how to swim. So, in the process of getting better, you will likely have to make several permanent changes to your lifestyle—I would recommend being prepared for that.
5) A good therapist will probably tell you lots of things that are difficult for you to hear. This is a good thing—if you’re always comfortable in therapy, you’ll never make any progress. As a result, having a therapist who is slightly formidable or confrontational is probably ideal, because they are going to push you more than someone who is passive. (Just keep in mind that a good therapist will challenge you in a way that keeps your dignity intact—which is different than working with someone who is inconsiderate, disengaged, or condescending.)
6) Take responsibility for your well-being. If you start therapy but notice six months later that things are starting to stagnate, pay attention to that. You can expect that there will be plateau periods and bumps along the way, but also know that it’s okay to change course, pause, or stop your treatment altogether if that’s what makes most sense. Therapy is very subjective, and circumstances change… To that same end:
7) Always be upfront with your therapist. Very often, clients worry about upsetting their therapist and consequently fail to address important concerns involving their treatment. However, it’s imperative that you continually address any issues that arise in your work together. At the end of the day, it’s your responsibility to ensure that your time in therapy remains productive—AND JUST BECAUSE YOU’VE MET WITH A THERAPIST A FEW (OR A HUNDRED) TIMES DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU OWE THEM ANYTHING.
8) Even if you’re anxious to get started in therapy, don’t settle for a mediocre therapist. Sadly, one of the biggest lamentations I hear from people who went through therapy for a long time with the wrong therapist is that they wish, upon finding a good one, that they had made the switch much, much sooner. (I also experienced this myself, and persisted in seeing therapists over the years who weren’t particularly helpful because, (a) I felt loyal to them, (b) I liked them as people, or (c) I didn’t want to start over with someone else, who might be even worse. However, the tradeoff for my lack of accountability was that I wasted precious time and made minimal progress during my time with those providers.) Here’s the bottom line—there is a night and day difference between a good therapist and a mediocre therapist. A mediocre therapist might help you feel better in the moment, but a good therapist will change your life. So, don’t be afraid to search around until you find someone who you can really connect with—it will be well worth the wait.)
In summation, it’s important to make an informed decision when finding a new therapist. Good therapy involves working with someone who pushes you to become a better version of yourself, and requires making small but notable changes to your life outside of session.
I salute you for taking the time to read these words. I wish you all the best in your journey, and I offer you my encouragement—inner work is noble work.
Next week, we will discuss what you can expect your first time in therapy, so that you can be prepared for your first appointment.
*Please note - The ideas discussed in this series are not intended to substitute for a clinical referral or replace the recommendations of a doctor/healthcare provider who knows you personally. In particular, the anecdotal ideas mentioned in this post are based solely off of my own experience as a clinician and client, and are insights that I have gained over the years that I believe I would have found helpful when first starting out.